Our Legacy 
An Op-Ed by me, The News (You might have seen me before on television after The Playoffs.)
One of you numbnuts is bound to do some serious damage to someone. As always, it’ll up to us to fix your mess.
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Words
On Behalf of All Latinx Americans, Please Un-Invent the Whopperito
You know. The mildly-racist, mildly-delicious burrito-inspired-burrito.
I Was Donald Trump's Water Boy Last Night--Am I Gonna Get Paid, Or Nah?
It was an honor and a privilege to hydrate a man of your magnitude.
Jill Soloway Is Wrong: We Should Not Topple the Patriarchy. Calm Down. Everything is Great.
An Op-Ed by Truck VanCar, Elected Duke of Patriarchy and Ted Nugent Enthusiast
Advice to Kids from a Childless Adult
Handy tips from someone who hasn't been a kid in nearly two decades...and isn't a parent either.
